Crossposted to Holy Leftovers.

It’s been my custom for many years, now, to take a vacation from work during the weeks of Christmas and New Year’s Day. It’s a time of general reflection on where I am and who I’ve become, what I’ve done and what’s been accomplished. This year, it’s also been a realization of need. I was led to share at meeting for worship, last weekend. I was moved to tears, more by the weight of what I could not say than by the words that I did speak. What I had felt was an affirmation of our actions, an assurance that what we do with and for other people, whether they are aware of our acts of kindness or not, makes a difference in this world.

One of the women attending meeting, that morning, then came over to sit by me, and she held my hand. It was then that I was struck by my own physical isolation. How often do health problems keep us apart from others? How often are we deliberately touched physically? How often do we receive a handshake or a touch on the arm? Maybe it’s not something that you’re missing out on, but I am because of my sensitivity to fragrances. I hadn’t realized how long it had been or even that I’d missed it, until that morning.

People feel affirmation and reassurance in various ways. Affirmation from God and from the people around us. It’s important.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.(John 13:34-35, NKJV)

This is a very important thing. At the beginning of the journey, how do we really know of God’s love, if we are not loved by God’s people? How else can I know it’s not all just a dream?

How much we leave behind as we move through life! We change. We move from one place to another, both physically and mentally. The people we knew in particular surroundings, we no longer know, since their paths have taken them in new directions without reference to us.

The Stockings Were Hung

Family traditions are like that. Would the Christmas holiday feel like Christmas, if you could never return to that environment? So many things depend on the presence of other people…if not the same folks, then others who fill those same or similar roles closely enough that one can pretend for a while.

Snowy Morning

Even though we had expected some snow, waking up to six inches of it was a surprise. In spite of all, the day must continue, including some necessary chores. Al has headed off to Moorhead to work on the continuing problems with the VHF repeater. Not how he had planned to spend his week’s vacation. Myself, I’m experiencing some guilt over being on vacation, this week, having already heard from two people who needed work done.

If I were out of town during my vacation, rather than relaxing and recuperating here at home, nobody would expect me to come back from vacation to get their work done. Indeed, I am quite sure that everyone will understand and either find an alternative or accommodate my schedule. Still, there is the guilt of not putting the needs of others before one’s own. If I am not able to relax and let go, I will turn off the business e-mail address until the end of the week.

Balance in life is important. It’s hard to achieve, these days, with so much pushing and pulling and noise and rapid movement all around one. The title of a book by Sören Kierkegaard comes to mind, this morning: Purity of Heart Is to Will One Thing. The one thing, of course, is Good. One wills the Good because it is good. And one wills the good for its own sake, not for any reward. 

Balance in life is elusive. My mind wanders a lot, these days, my thoughts taking all sorts of side excursions. And sometimes I mistake the thinking for the doing, leaving a project behind, once I’ve finished thinking it through to the end, counting the thinking the same as the doing. Sometimes I am so buried in thought that my words and actions in the outside world don’t really register with me; I will put down items and forget that I ever held them, not because of any brain disease, but simply because I was not paying attention. Balancing the interior and exterior aspects of life is important.

When one has arrived at a point where thinking leaves little time for anything else…Something vital is missing.

This is wind-down time for me. At the end,beginning of the year, I take some time off to rest, relax, and regroup. Exploring the use of WordPress for displaying some of my poetry and prose should be a good way to do so.

I am going to do some exploring of layout for the blog, I think, before adding much content.

There are things in this world that I can have a positive effect on, and there are things that I can’t. There are things I am called to do, and things that I’m not called to, no matter how much I wish I were. If I recognize what’s happening, then there’s less chance that I’ll fret about it, rather than praying and watching and praying some more. Contentment is the proper word for what I feel, but it’s not a passive or self-satisfied emotion. Rather, it’s got more to do with conviction and active involvement in the world.

At the HelpVera Community at LiveJournal, there’s an auction taking place through the 20th to help cover the expenses of Vera Nazarian, a speculative writer and publisher, so that she and her mother would not be forced out of their home, this coming weekend. I’ve known Vera on-line for many years and did some work for her, last year. It has been wonderful to watch people coming together, friends and strangers, to help out, a few dollars at a time, to achieve a goal we can identify with. 

In publishing, editing, and related freelance work, things have not been going well for a lot of folks due to a lot of economic factors including outsourcing and the disappearance of many publishing companies, whether going out of business or being bought out and absorbed by larger companies. A fair number of writers and freelance editors, I’ve noticed, are not able for one reason or another to work outside the home and,or full time. Many times, it’s erratic health problems that make it impossible to work a 40-hour week. 

I have witnessed several other comings together to help someone, some family over a rough spot, these past few months. I believe that daring to become involved in the lives of others, both to give and to receive without an intermediary, creates an intimacy that works against the rugged individualism that was so prevalent when I was growing up and then out in the workplace. The answer to the question, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” is “Yes!” It’s got to do with Jesus saying, “In as much as you have done it to the least of these, you have done it to me.” 

We are not paralyzed by feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. We are empowered by the Holy Spirit, doing what we can, recognizing that the resources at our disposal are ours to use to help one another, not to be hidden away where it can’t be demanded of us or lost. 

There is something quite different about becoming personally involved. About stepping out in faith to give without worrying about whether next week or next month or year we may ourselves be in need of those resources. Our lives have always depended on one person: Jesus Christ. I am called to learn how to listen and respond to the calling of the Holy Spirit.

It’s exciting, really, to see such love in action.

      The Advent season is the reminder that hope is not a refuge for fools; rather, it is justified faith in One who makes Himself known to us. Battered by the mockery of skeptics and dazzled by the proofs of scientific method, it is easy to fall into the trap of scoffing at God’s Word and promises, lest we be considered naive or ignorant or deliberately blind to what has been “proven” to be “true.” It is possible to get so wrapped up in discovering the “how’s” of the world around us that we do not think about there also being a “who” and a “why” to take into account.

      I am unashamedly a Child of God-a follower of Jesus. This is the foundation of my life, my assumptions, my knowledge, and my reasoning. My relationship with Jesus is the breath of life for me. From the outside, what I’ve said won’t make sense to a lot of people. There are no words to describe the reality of the experience. Every person, every culture operates with a set of unspoken-sometimes unconscious-presuppositions about the universe and what’s in it. And that makes it more difficult to convey what it is like to walk with God.

      It’s not popular, these days, to have definite beliefs that might not accommodate everyone else’s. The Gospel is uncompromising in its message. I didn’t write the scriptures, and will not apologize for them. God, in whom we live and move and have our being, is the one to ask what’s meant by this passage or that. I’m not about to try to second-guess Him. What I do know beyond doubt is that God loved each of us so much that He sent His Son to live with us and die for us. I know that it is His intention that you and I live with Him forever.

      As Christmas Day approaches, the world looks forward to renewal of hope and the advent of peace. I wish for life and love, health and hope, joy and peace, and the presence of family and friends for each and every one of us.

Note: I wrote this piece in November of 1999, before I became a member of the Religious Society of Friends. I find that I still believe that what I wrote is true, and this is probably the most appropriate place to put it back on the Internet.

snow-clad memories

lie asleep among dry leaves

dreaming of springtime

Tying in with my previous post, I’d like to share with you “Time at the Table,” by Kay Pere, who’s a long-time member of the Artist’s Way Grads mailing list I belong to.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RER-d1t1P54]

Performed by Kay Pere, with Bill Pere and LUNCH.